Saturday, 5 December 2009


Why do I keep fucking up like this? I dont even know what happened yesterday I just couldnt stop eating and now I have gained like 5 lbs!! Some of it I can get rid of with Lax but I just feel like im taking massive steps backwards. I was doing so well. Losing weight, exercising, feeling happy. Now im fat again and I feel like I have to go through it all again just to get back to where I was. I'm going to get a quick bath, do my housework then workout for a couple of hours. My friend gets here at about 5 so I have 4 1/2 hours to work out as much as possible.
We are both water fasting so hopefully she will keep me strong. If I water fast today and tomorrow, combined with 2-3 hours of exercise today and 3 hours tomorrow then I should get back to where I was. My goal was to weigh 140 lbs by the end of the week. Now I have 8 fucking lbs to shift to meet that.
Plan: intake 0 cals, burn 2500 cals, water 3-4 ltrs.
I will not be beaten. I will not binge!

Thursday, 3 December 2009


Just finished my workout. I burnt 755 calories so I know its not really enough to compensate the binge but hey it is about 1/5th of a pound that I will have saved myslef from. Plus I burnt 2000 cals at work so I hopefully wont have gained now.
I will definately learn form my mistake, that workout ruined me! lol! But I cant wait to do it again! As soon as I finish work tomorrow I am going to do the same again but with a little extra thrown in for good measure. The DVD is called Aeorbics Oz Style (Dont know if you have heard of it) But its super cheap to buy and well thinspirational. Its has a warm up, part one, part two, abs, and cool down. What I normally do is the whole thing plus and extra warm up at the beginning. But tomorrow I'm going to do the whole things plus warm up and part one. Saturday: Whole thing plus warm up and parts one and two. Sunday: once through.
I need to get back exercising again if S is gonna meet me for a run. I know she is my friend but I have to beat her! I used to do AOS 3 times through and then go for a 10 mile bike ride everyday (I had no job and was super depressed, exercise was all I had to keep me alive) Well that feeling is coming back. I have to get fitter. I feel so happy now. Exercise really does fix broken brains lol! xx

Im a fucking pig!!

Sorry about the swearing but the title says it all. I just binged on a stupid amount of cookies. I thre up a little bit but it just kept getting stuck in my throat coz i have hard drunk anything today.

I knew I was going to binge as soon as I finished work. I went to the shop and almost bought Pizza. Decided that it would be better to have some steamed vegetables. Had the veg but then couldnt resist. Ran to the cupboards and threw the mixture into a bowl then gorged on the whole lot. I have no idea of how many calories were in it. Probably 2000 maybe more! I just havent got a clue. I dont even want to think about it anymore. I know i have burnt 2000 cals off at work today (God bless my heart rate monitor) but now I need to do some serious exercise. Going to do about 2 hours of aerobics and see how much I can burn. Damage limitation. I should be able to burn 800 cals off in 2 hours. Maybe a little more. Gotta push myself. Gotta be thin. I will not turn the control over to a freaking cookie...or a barrel of the bastards!
Hope you girls and guys are doing better than me. And I hope I havent triggered anyone. Please be stronger than me xx

Hope you girls and guys are doing a hell of a lot better than me. And I hope I haven't triggered. Be stronger than me. xx

Wednesday, 2 December 2009


Hurray!!! Work called and they want me to come in tomorrow. All is not lost! I'm losing weight and I still have a job! Hopefully they will let me work Saturday and Sunday so I can make up for the days I have lost. I'll be working for 10 hours tomorrow which means I will be walking around and burning calories (about 2500) plus I wont be eating whilst I'm there. Roll on half four tomorrow!!


Good News! I'm 143 lbs today. Which means I can say for certain that I have met my second goal weight. Just 3 lbs to go until I meet my next goal.
Still not at work though, which means I have no money. I won't get paid until 11th and when I do get paid I will only get about £50 :( I'm really panicking because I have rent due on 7th and I barely have enough to cover it. Ended up crying myself to sleep last night over the fact that I cant even go 6 months without losing a job or losing all my money. Im pretty pathetic really. The only good thing that I have in my life is that I am losing weight. Its the only thing keeping me focused. At this rate I will be definatley at my goal weight by Christmas!
My friend (who also has an eating disorder) has said that she is going to come round this week so we can do some exercise together. I cant wait to lose more weight!

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

New rules

I was 144.6 lbs this morning which is fantastic but now I am petrified of eating or drinking anything incase I gain. I dont even want to have water because I know that will increase my weight. The rational side of me knows that the more water I drink the less water I store, thus probably losing a little more weight but I have worked so hard to get my weight down that I really couldn't bear to see it go up. So long as I stay under 145 lbs I will have reached my second goal weight. My next goal is 140 lbs and I want to be 129 lbs by Christmas...which is totally possible. 25 days to lose 11 lbs. I just cant believe that I allowed myself to get into this state. But I know I can do it. Just reading everyone elses posts gives me the strength to say no to food and yes to thin.
So this is my december plan:
  1. to quit drinking alcohol
  2. to go vegan
  3. to drink 3 ltrs of water a day
  4. to intake less than 500 calories a day