Today went pretty bad. I was supposed to be fasting but I ended up eating breakfast. I didn't even realise what I was doing until I started eating. When I got home I binged and purged as well. I managed to get it all up but I still feel terrible about it.
However tomorrow is a new day and a new start. I started my fast at 6pm this evening and I will be keeping it up for as long as possible.
It's my birthday ten days from now and i really want it to be perfect. I know that I wont be the weight I wanted to be but at least I can make an effort.
The only problem is that I am Bulimic and so feel a great need to binge. I try so hard to fight it but sometimes it is like I am watching myself do it and I have no control over it.
I have a long way to go til i reac my UGW but I know I will get there. I will beat this Bulimia. Part of me wishes I was the person I was a year ago. I was more Anorexic back then. Able to go days without eating and not be fazed by it. I don't understand what has changed to make me binge. I cant bear it any longer.
From this moment on I will not binge, I will stick to my fast and I will beat this. I will be Skinny, I will be Beautiful and I will be Perfect. Going to update as often as I can to keep a track of how I feel and what I am eating.
I need to be honest with myself. Maybe seeing it all wrote down will make me realise how fat and disgusting I am and I will make a difference.
I need to pluck up the courage to put my stats on here too :(
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